Luke 17:34, that is.
I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.And since Jesus clearly said that only a small minority would be saved,
Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them, Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke 13:23-24
Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. Matthew 7:13-14the best way to improve your chances of being saved, if you are a man, is to go to bed with another man. (50% is better than a virtually zero chance.)
Or to spend you time grinding with other women, if you're a woman, as Jesus said in Luke 17:35.
Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left.But what if you're not blessed enough to be gay? It's not too late: Pray to be gay!
There's even a special day and place for it: Pray to be Gay Day at the Reason Rally on March 24th.
Watch Thunderf00t's video for all the details.
19 comments:
Steve, I'm sending you the bill for a new keyboard. You really *must* remember to put a warning header on your posts so folks don't have their mouths full when they read. ;-)
Steve Weeks
This is wrong interpretation of the Bible. You interpreted this verses based on what you want and not what God want.
Two men in bed does not mean they are having sex. Those days, when they refer to two men in this circumstances, this means two brothers or relatives or friends living in the same room or house or place.
This is an example of how it would be like on that day. Meaning the fact that not everybody would be raptured because we might be in the same place at the same time and finds the other raptured.
Strait: Narrow
The meaning of strait in those days did not refer to gay"sm". It's nowadays that strait is translated to be gay or something related to that. This was not so in the olden days. Check all dictioneries you could find and read the meaning strait. The original meaning of Strait is "narrow", Sometime Strict, rigid, or righteous. The content of the verse mean; you can not change the word of God, you must abide God's instruction. Unlike wide road, where anything goes, and does not lead to heaven.
Do not interprete Holy Word of God according to what you want to hear or to please some people.
You're (more or less) right, davelinne. Jesus didn't mean it that way, if he said it at all, that is. But you've got to admit it sounds funny. And I love funny-sounding Bible verses. Don't you?
@davelinne:
"This is wrong interpretation of the Bible. You interpreted this verses based on what you want and not what God want."
You seem to think you know what god wants. Here's a quote from Susan B. Anthony:
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."
I agree with her.
You also seem to have a lot of excuses for why two men would be in bed together... are you a catholic priest? And I suppose "two women shall be grinding together" means they are preparing food, eh? Open your eyes, my friend. There is sin all around you!
BTW, "strait" refers to the jacket you wear. "Straight" means "not homosexual". Hope this helps!
Steve Weeks
This is wrong interpretation of the Bible. You interpreted this verses based on what you want and not what God want.
This is hilarious. All anyone ever does in any religion is pretend that their narrow, selfish interests are what "God" wants. Look at Rick Santorum. He rants and raves about homosexuality and contraception because his church is against that, while completely ignoring all the Catholic teachings about social justice and against war. He's even a creationist despite the Catholic Church accepting evolution as fact.
Sadly, most of these commenters like our friend davelinne are just "drive-by" posters. What are we supposed to do for laughs?
Steve Weeks
Homosexuals and the pro-homosexual lobby are so funny, got to love them, lol. The arguments they come up with, lol.
just gonna say, this is a completely false interpertation of the bible, and its not even that well hid. The book of luke was written within the century after Jesus' death. at this point in time, there was no "grinding" in our context of the word, plus he omitted a simple word, grain, which goes immediately after grinding in the verse he spouted. along with this, in the hebrew tradition, the entire family lived in basically one large room, ere, they were both in bed. Also in ine NIV translation, which i was using to check the verses. it replaces men with people, probably due to the fact that in hebrew, whenever more that one person is referenced, the male tense is used to describe them. In Romans 1:26-27 "For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due." and this is all without even looking at the old testament books for their insight on the correct judgement of the act of homosexuality
Calm down, Jacob. It's a joke.
this is called blasphemy. id be careful if i were you. Jacob is very wise in correcting you with scripture.
this is called blasphemy, Steve. i suggest you not do it and make jokes out of Gods holy word, or twist what scripture says. the bible states that what you have done is very wrong. Jacob is very wise in correcting you, and using scripture to do so.
Great post OP man, it seems as though you have a fresh perspective on words written, oh 2000 years ago? ha-ha
Props to you for not banning the drive by commentators. I would not have had nearly as much restraint. You decided not to hush them up as they attempt to hush your free thinking up.
Who cares what an outdated bronze-age book says. It has no relevance to today's society anyway. We have separation of church and state in the US. Our law is the Constitution, not the Bible, which some often mistakenly believe.
Davina: To really take the words of such an awful book and actually want to follow them makes Jacob by no means wise. What IS wise is observing the world. Homosexuality - in other species of animals as well as humans. Christianity? It is in one species only.
The fact you get strung up on this joke and feel that it somehow needs to be 'corrected' but do not have a problem with what some of the Bible says is reflecting badly on you right now.
Raz: This is a joke. In my country, the UK, no one has to come up with anything because we don't follow unreliable texts which lack validity we follow science (which includes observing). You don't have to observe much to realise homosexuality exists in Nature.
To all those Christians who've responded on this post - I salute you.
And now, let us leave these homosexuals to their own acts and sinful thoughts - I really don't see why we should bother saving them.
Let them delude themselves in their misinterpretations and evil attempts at getting their kicks and having a laugh by mistranslating the Word of God.
Personally, I'm quite happy with the extra space in heaven that they choose to give up.
Thanks very much!
Who ever wrote this a a complete idiot or undercover Devil worshiper on a mission to turn the hearts of the simple. I pray you get what GOD wants you to have for wasting your time being funny when people are looking for help and answers. Get'em LORD
asherf, you do not even provide any kind of argument in response to my post. A dogmatic statement on the reliability of the text, without any evidence. The statement that there is homosexuality in nature,so what ? There are many kinds of perverted things in nature. Animals have sex within their own family, eat them sometimes, have sex with other species, etc. Entertaining stuff, lol.
Wow... It's amazing to see how angry people can become over something like this.
I'm a God fearing Christian and I found this interpretation of the verses funnny! Of COURSE that's not the way they're supposed to be interpreted, but I thought it was entertaining to read. OP(Steve) obviously has a sense of humor, and I for one, believe that God isn't austere 100% of the time. I think He has a sense of humor and I think He would chuckle to see this interpretation of His book :)
To those Christians who post here condemning everyone, you should be ashamed of yourselves... If I weren't feeling lazy, I would quote you a scripture about beams and motes... Just because someone believes differently than you doesn't mean you should condemn them. I happen to believe that homosexuality is a sin also, but that doesn't mean I go around telling gays that they are damned... What good does that do anyone? Jesus said, "Love one another". Are you saying those things because you love these people? Or because you love yourself? Consider it.
To asherf, Raz is right, there are plenty of ugly things done in nature that aren't ok, like incest, animals being eaten alive, etc. If I'm not mistaken, Black Widow females often eat their male counterparts after mating, which is why they are called black widows. So by your argument, it's ok for all females to be cannibals of their children's fathers? Hmmmm... Also, what would happen if our entire species turned homosexual? If you truly believe in science and evolution, you must also believe that a species would never knowingly engage in a behavior that would be detrimental to itself? And yet, if our entire species became homosexual, we would become extinct in a single generation. Just something to think about.
Personally I don't condemn gays, or anyone for that matter. I think everyone should be loved for who they are. That doesn't mean that people can't or shouldn't change, but I don't think hate is something God would condone among His children.
TLDR; everyone stop hating on each other ;)
Wow, how foolish to intentionally misinterpret God's Holy word like this.
I am very supportive of all the Christian responses to this subject. Especially Davelinne's comment (2nd from top) she explains things well.
Except:
Hizzlebomb.. you say you are a Christian but i really don't think you understand how much God hates homosexuality- i really don't think He would find this funny.
Yes God has an amazing sense of humour like you wouldn't believe; but what God says about homosexuality is this:
Leviticus 20:13
"If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense."
God considers homosexuality worthy of death. So it's a very serious subject and no laughing matter.
The most important and relevant thing here is that God makes it very clear in the Bible that He loves EVERYONE and EVERYONE is a sinner (especially me).
At the end of today, irrelevant of our past and wrong doings, it's up to us to decide the next place we want to be when our time's up on this earth. And it's a choice we all have to make ourselves. The Bible says we all have two options.
Option A: Believe and love God and accept His gift of forgiveness and you will receive everlasting life in heaven (far more perfect and amazing then imaginable- earthly words cannot describe how good heaven is)
Option B: Don't love God and He will hand you over to Satan. In case you don't know, Satan lives in Hell. Hell is a long lasting place of suffering, pain, torment, lot's of fire and is a terrible place that earthly words cannot describe.
The only up-side to Hell is that it will be destroyed by Jesus Christ.. one day.
And yet some people seem to think that there is an 'in-between' option: and that option is 6ft under, full stop. But the fact is that God has not included that option in the Bible as an eternal option-
6ft under is only where our dead earthly body's go. Our spirit and soul goes to Option A or Option B. Once you are there, you can't change your decision.
Personally I like the sound of Option A the best.
I pray God would Bless ya whether you agree with God or not.
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